Screamer - free internet radio

In my last post I wrote about some nut-bar who spent 160 thousand dollars on a 200 year old bottle of vinegar. Nothing particularly wrong with that, except that the man was a oenophile; someone who appreciates or collects wine. So what if it came in a wine bottle with a Chateau Lafite label, it was still nothing more than expensive (very expensive) vinegar. And, you can pick up a bottle of vinegar for under two bucks at “No Frills”. The guy was not a savvy shopper.

I, on the other hand, have an eye for a bargain. My kids interpret that as cheap, but that’s beside the point.

Some of the best deals available out there in cyberspace are in the realm of freeware. Freeware is made available in a variety of disguises, under various distribution licenses. But freeware applications have one thing in common. They’re free. That means no charge and no strings; no banner ads or spyware and no shutting down after 30 days. Now, that’s a bargain!

A few months back I picked up a copy of Screamer, a free internet radio application. The application was developed by a man called David Zidar who lives in Sweden where he studied Computer Science at Mälardalen University. Do not ask me how to pronounce his last name; I have no desire to demonstrate my ignorance in public. Wait a minute, try: eaz-dar. Amazing what you can find on the web these days.

As you can see from the screenshot at the top of the page, there’s no splashy interface. But, it works, and, it works well. Just what does it do? It’s a bloody radio, didn’t I already mention that.

According to the web site, “There is little reason to listen to commercial FM radio anymore, it is an old medium that provides little choice of music and is saturated with ads. For the last couple of years there has been an alternative, streaming internet radio; an alternative that has been somewhat complicated to use. Screamer Radio attempts to remedy this problem by bringing most of the required steps into a single, easy to use, freeware program.”

The application comes with hundreds of “preset” internet radio stations, from every genre of music imaginable: classic rock, jazz and blues, folk and country, reggae, rap and hip hop, etc, etc. You name it; it’s there. One of my favourite stations is from Mayo: Midwest Irish radio

And, you can not only listen to the music, but you can record it using the built in record feature. There are no ads, no spyware and there’s no cost, hidden or otherwise. Nor will it shut down after 30 days.

You can check it all out on the Screamer web site, then, download your free copy.
Go to: Screamer – Free Internet Radio

Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine

"Actually, I find it a rather backward little entry, lacking balance and texture; a little too austere for my taste."

Huh. Run that by me again. Oh, you’re talking about the wine.

I’ve always found the rituals associated with wine tasting to be a little pretentious. It all looks so complex, like the wine itself.

Now, let’s see, what do I remember from Wine Tasting 101? Wines described as backward are undeveloped and not ready to drink; they have to be aged. They’re often young and tannic, and may also be described as austere. The texture of a wine describes how the wine feels in the mouth; is it silky, velvety, rounded, or smooth? Wines said to have balance have a harmonious combination of tannin, acidity, texture and flavour. Balance is a vital attribute of a good wine. Uh-huh.

Admittedly, I know absolutely nothing about wine tasting. I am sometimes a wine drinker, but wine tasting is definitely beyond my capacity. To me there are only two kinds of wine; stuff that’s drinkable and stuff that isn’t.

Nor do I have any desire to learn about wine tasting. Did you know that tasters spit, er . . ., excuse me, expectorate the wine after swirling it around in the mouth and allowing it to brush the palette. I wouldn’t even consider doing that with a cheap bottle of 999 (a port wine most commonly associated with bootleggers in my younger days in Cape Breton). It was an indelicate little wine, both dense and complex. OK, the wine wasn’t all that complex and I was just dense.

I know what you’re thinking. Just why in the hell is he talking about wine?

Because, dear reader, as I was surfing the web, looking for nothing in particular and going nowhere at all, I came across an article on the world’s most expensive wines. And, I have a thing about people who pay outrageous prices for commodities of dubious value, be it Barry Bonds’ baseballs, OJ’s lucky suit or John Kennedy’s rocking chair. The one thing most of these people have in common, besides too much money, is a definite and definitive lack of common sense.

In 1985, Christie’s auction house sold one bottle of wine for $160,000. It was a bottle of Bordeaux, a 1787 Chateau Lafite, and, according to The Guinness Book of World Records it is still the world's most expensive bottle of wine. Its great age alone would have ensured a good price but what really made it special, particularly to American collectors, and ensured the record price tag were the initials Th.J. etched in the glass. Th.J. was, of course, Thomas Jefferson, one time president (and founding father) of the United States.

In addition to his duties as a statesman, Jefferson was also an avid oenophile. That’s right a oenophile, pronounced zee-new-file. Isn’t that a great word? An oenophile is a lover of wine. Oenophiles are also known as wine aficionados or connoisseurs. They are people who appreciate or collect wine. Uh-huh.

While most people will marvel at the price tag of 160 thousand dollars, I find myself marveling at the lack of grey matter which could be attributed to the purchaser. Is he perhaps unaware that he could get just as pissed on a five dollar bottle of Zing? Would he really pay that kind of money to roll the stuff around in his mouth and spit it out?

Actually, neither question is of any import, because the wine in no longer drinkable. The outside limit for a Bordeaux to remain fit for drinking is 50 years. So what the buyer really paid all that money for was to let the bottle, with its fancy label, sit on a shelf and gather dust. He got diddly-squat for his money, except bragging rights to a very expensive bottle of vinegar.

Unless, of course, another dummy should come along and offer to buy it.

I won! I won! (The last word)

I really didn’t intend to have a Part 3 to this post, but I just got another Email from my friends at Poetry.com and the International Society of Poets. I guess they didn’t get my Email explaining that I don’t really intend to let them publish my poem.

Actually, I got two Emails, one apologizing for being unable to process my application for membership in the International Society of Poets because their server was down. Maybe I should tell them that I never returned their application, so it didn’t matter a rats ass if their server was down or not.

The other was a “suggestion” that I invite family and friends to visit Poetry.com and review my poem. They obviously didn’t think a poet of my artistic vision was capable of composing my own Email, so they took the liberty of writing one for me. Just fill in the Email addresses of the family and friends I want to send it to and click the little button. The Email appears below.

Dear Family and Friends,
I am in the middle of a great online poetry competition. I have the chance to win some great prizes, including an iPod. I really want to win, and all I need are votes from my family and friends. You simply need to click on a link, read my poem, and rate it. If I get enough votes, I win, it’s that easy! Please use the link below to vote for my poem, “States of Being.” Please forward this to anyone else you know that could help me out. You can also use the link below on your Facebook or MySpace page to help me receive even more votes. This is a great way to help me share my poetry with the world!
Thanks very much for your vote. I will keep you posted if I win. Wish me luck!
Best regards, Matt Todd

You will note that the link does not appear in this post. Just in case anyone amongst my family or friends might be tempted by the nonsense these people are sending out. And the Email now resides in the isolation room of my virus protection application; can’t be too careful with this stuff.

Apparently there’s a few more individuals out there who have decided to have a little fun with Poetry.com. Somewhere out there in cyber space, is a guy named David Taub, a real life poet, who writes: failure is impossible at poetry.com, the website where every poem is a semifinalist. This guy tried, unsuccessfully, to get a rejection slip from the company. I reprint one of his submissions under the “fair use” provisions of Canada’s copyright laws. It was submitted under the name “Wadda Ass Iyam” and the poem is entitled “Yer Gotta Larf”.

Yew gotta larf at any moreon
who could write, "your poem was selected
for publication, and as a contest semi-finalist, on the basis of your unique talent
and artistic vision."
when we all know this is about as artistic
as vomitting on the neigbour's porch.
Burp... huey... excuse me while I be artistic on your cat. so much for
the vision . . . I never saw your cat.
Now let's get down to the real truth.
You hope I am fooled into parting with
my cash to see this in your anthology.
Wot if NO-ONE bought your books, mugs
plaques, keyrings? (have you thought of musical toilet-roll holders?)
I look forward to receiving your standard letter telling me how artistic this drivel is. If nothing else, I get a free envelope
which I can recycle.

Uh-huh, you guessed it; the damn thing won the “Editor’s Choice” award and was selected as a semi-finalist.

But, for every guy like David Taub or myself, looking to have some fun with this silliness, there are thousands of people out there getting hurt, emotionally and financially by this bunch of rip off artists. They prey on the dreams, vanity and gullibility of would be poets by using flattery and by dangling the (faint) hope of winning cash and/or prizes.

Poetry.com is also known by the following names: International Library of Poetry, National Library of Poetry, Watermark Press and the International Society of Poets. They also run a sister site for “photographers”, along with a photography contest. The site is called picture.com.

Stay away from these assholes. They’re a joke, even if they can’t recognize one.

I won! I won! (Part 2)

I just got another e-mail from the International Society of Poets. They want to publish my poem, based on “my unique talent and vision”. They believe “it will add to the importance and appeal” of their book. Someone call an ambulance; I think I’m about to faint from the excitement. Or puke. Or something. Here’s what they had to say:

“Recently, we informed you by mail and by email that our editors have certified your poem "States of Being" as a semi-finalist in our International Open Poetry Contest.”

“As I also mentioned in my letter, and in celebration of the unique talent that you have displayed, we wish to publish your poem in what promises to be one of the most highly sought-after collections of poetry we have ever published. Immortal Verses will be a classic, coffee-table quality hardbound volume printed on fine-milled paper specifically selected to last for generations. It will make a handsome addition to any library, a treasured family keepsake, and a highly-valued personal gift. And best of all, this magnificent volume will showcase the poetry of Matt Todd on an entire page itself!”

“Before going any further, Matt, let me make one thing clear . . . your poem was selected for publication based on your unique talent and artistic vision. We believe it will add to the importance and appeal of this edition.”

Uh-huh. And, I assume I’ll get a complimentary copy of this book, since my poem is going to be published in it. Uh-huh. I see, I only have to pay the discounted price of $49.95 plus shipping and handling. And, if I want to have a brief autobiography printed on an adjacent page, they’ll only charge me a nominal fee of $25.00.

Let’s see, that’s $75.00 plus $14.00 shipping and handling for a wall plaque and membership in the Society, $50.00 plus $8.00 shipping and handling for the book and another $25.00 to publish a brief autobiography. That’s $147.00 for the whole thing. But, they’ll also provide laminated cards with my poem on them (for a slight fee of course) so I can distribute them to friends and family who may object to paying $49.95 for a copy of the book. And, I can also get my poem printed on coffee mugs, tot bags, sweats, calendars, etc., etc.

That sounds like a fair sized investment, but still, given my “unique talent and artistic vision” I may have a shot at that grand prize of $10,000.00. OK, what do I have to do?

“Regarding the publication of your poetry, if you have not already returned your proof with your approval to publish, you must now proofread your poem, which appears on your Artist's Proof. Please carefully review your poem for typographical errors and make any necessary changes.”

OK, let’s have a look at the Artist’s Proof. Hey, wait a minute. Why is my poem full of asterisks? What the hell is h***? Are they telling me a man with my unique talent and artistic vision can’t say “hell” in their damn book? And just what in the devil have they got against the de***? Why are they branding my “work of art” with asterisks? Are these guys related to the dumb ass who branded baseballs Barry Bonds balls with an asterisk? It’s time these people got a piece of my mind.

Dear Howard,
As a man of unique talent and vision, I must take exception to your interference with the artistic integrity of my work. A true artist such as myself cannot, will not, have his art compromised on the whim of a censor who obviously doesn’t recognize a masterpiece of modern literature when he sees one. Your censorship of “States of Being” is inexcusable and I will not tolerate such behaviour from those of lesser genius than myself. Therefore, I will not permit my work to be butchered on the pages of any book you publish.
Respectfully,
Matt

That should give those scam artists something to think about. Sometimes the internet can be so much fun!

To read more on the Society of Poets rip off, visit:
ripoffreport.com