Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Weird & wacky country songs (3)

In previous posts, I’ve written about some of the weird and wacky song titles in the wonderful world of country music. The titles came from a list compiled by persons unknown, at least to me. At the time I copied the list, I forgot to write down the name of the site. So I humbly apologize for being unable to give the guy proper credit. Here’s some more songs, including some from the list.

One song that didn’t make the list was a big hit for Hank Thompson in the fifties and one of my favourites at the time. It was also a politically incorrect little number that would be unlikely to get any airplay these days. It was called “The Squaws Along The Yukon (Are Good Enough For Me)”.
“She makes her underwear,
From the hides of grizzly bear
She bathes in ice cold water ever day
Her skin I love to touch,
But I can’t touch it much
Because her fur-lined parka’s in the way.”

Hank Thompson also recorded (“The Tears Have Washed I Love You From) The Blackboard Of My Heart”. Although the song title may sound funny to-day, it was a serious ballad about love gone wrong; a real tear jerker that reached number one on the country charts back in the fifties.

Jimmy Buffett, although not technically a country singer despite his hits “Margarittaville” and “Its Five O’clock Somewhere” with Alan Jackson, deserves some recognition for some of the stranger song titles; for example; ”If The Phone Doesn’t Ring (It’s Me Not Calling You)”. He also recorded “My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink And I Don’t Love Jesus” and “Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw.”

Some songs are just plain weird . . . and mean. One such entry was, “Mama Get the Hammer, There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head.” Then, there’s the cover of that same song, a parody called, “Get The Hammer Mama, There’s A Head On Papa’s Fly”.

If you’re a true aficionado of country music, you’ll know that men and women don’t always react the same way to being dumped. Men often get bitter; “If You Want To Keep The Beer Cold (Put it Next To My Ex-wife’s Heart).” or “I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here” Or, how about, “If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life (Then Number Two On You)”. Now, that’s bitter.

Some, though, are quite pleased to see their woman’s backside as she’s walking away, as in Roy Clark’s “Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone“.

Some of the song titles were just plain silly. There was one in the list, from back in the fifties, called “I Was Lookin’ Back To See”. They gave the wrong song title, but I knew what they were referring to because I once had the original 78 rpm record. It went:
“I was lookin’ back to see,
If you were lookin’ back to see
If I was lookin’ back to see,
If you were lookin’ back at me
You were cute as you could be
Standing lookin’ back at me
And it was plain to see
That I’d enjoy your company.

I have no idea why the words are still in my head after half a century, but not even Garth Brooks could get that one to the top of the charts these days.

Then there are the songs that ask questions about the eternal mysteries of life. Songs like ”If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?” Or that other old standard, “Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You (When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life)?” It’s hard to say if this next question came from a guy looking for the answer to the many mysteries of life or just somebody trying out a new pick-up line. It’s called, “I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?”

There were songs about guys overcome with guilt and begging forgiveness, “Thanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You”. There were songs which seem to have been written by braggarts, and which were likely intended as double entendre: “There Ain't Enough Room in My Fruit of the Looms (To Hold All My Lovin' for You).” And there are songs that can’t be meant as anything but double entendre. Either that or I’m turning into a dirty old man. For example, “I Hate Every Bone In Your Body (Except For Mine)”.

But, that’s enough from this scribe for the day; my butt is starting to feel a little like the guy who wrote: “I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)”.

On second thought . . . while the songs noted above are real, there was another site with some made up song titles, by made up artists. I thought it might be interesting to make up a list of songs that might be done by someone like Toby Keith. Or the Old Rambler.

Tough as F**k (I Can Lick Any Girl In The House) – Toby Keith
These Boots Were Made for Shit-Kickin’ – Toby Keith
I Ain't Drunk, I’m Just Pukin' (So What’s Your Excuse) – Toby Keith
Watchin’ Too Many Toby Keith Videos – The Old Rambler
These Colors Don't Run: They Goose–Step! – Toby Keith

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