A (bigger) piece of the pie

The Gibson Guitar Company makes guitars; very good guitars. Activision makes computer games; very good computer games. So, why is Gibson suing Activision? What do they have in common? Well, that’s a long story; a very long, complicated story.

Guitar Hero is a computer software program that simulates playing guitar in a concert setting. It’s a very popular game and the people producing and selling it are making lots of money. The company currently, making all the money is Activision, who have made over a billion dollars since acquiring rights to the game.

Activision believed that Guitar Hero would give them an early leadership position in music-based gaming, which the company expects to be one of the fastest growing genres in the coming years. So, in 2006, they bought the company, Red Octane, which published Guitar Hero. They paid a miserly $100 million. Red Octane, prior to being bought out by Activision, signed a deal with Gibson Guitars to use designs of some of their guitars as controllers to be used with the game.

But, the game originated with Harmonix, a developer of music based games, who signed a deal with Red Octane to publish the game. The developer, Harmonix, recently launched a lawsuit against Activision who now owns Red Octane for failing to pay royalties under the terms of the Harmonix/Red Octane publishing agreement. But less than a week after launching the lawsuit, Harmonix withdrew it in favour of reaching an amicable agreement out of court.

But, a week later, Gibson Guitars sued Activision, the parent company of Red Octane, for patent infringement. The row started in January, when Gibson attorneys sent Activision a letter accusing it of violating a 1999 patent titled "System and Method for Generating and Controlling a Simulated Musical Concert Experience." A copy of the patent included in the lawsuit describes a device that lets a user "simulate participation in a concert by playing a musical instrument and wearing a head-mounted 3-D display that includes stereo speakers."

Activision disagrees with the applicability of the Gibson patent and wants a legal determination.

Gibson wants to sue Activision for patent infringement on an idea that they must have forgotten they owned, or they wouldn’t have signed the deal with Red Octane in the first place. It took Gibson three years to discover that a company with which they were partners (Red Octane) was breaching one of their patents (Gibson’s). So now they’re suing the parent company (Activision), who didn’t actually buy the company (Red octane) until after they had signed the deal with Gibson. Follow me?

The question that has to be asked is whether or not this is an actual patented invention, or an inappropriate attempt to patent an idea. In Europe, patents are not permitted on software applications. These are protected under copyright laws. In the US, the patent office has been accepting software patents for many years, but there has been no judicial ruling as yet and the legality of such patents is in question.

Songs, books and computer code can be copyrighted; but just how do you go about patenting an idea or a theory without specific music, words or code.

For example, could I patent an idea for a song about a man who catches his girlfriend cheating with another man, shooting the pair of them and then being sent to the gallows for murder. Could I then sue anybody who actually wrote such a song for patent infringement, even though I had never written a single word or note of music? But, that appears to be what Gibson is doing.

It’s hard to believe that Gibson actually wrote computer code or developed gaming hardware in 1999, six years before signing their deal with Red Octane. We’ll have to wait and see just what’s happened in this case.

Guitar Hero sold 14 million copies in North America alone in 2007, earning over a billion dollars in the process. Not hard to understand what this fight’s all about.

Digital Restrictions Management

DRM (Digital Rights Management) is the catch-all phrase for the encryption that restricts your right to play/use the music and movies which you fork out your hard earned dollars to buy.

It was the encryption tool the music industry claimed was needed to fight piracy. According to the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America), CD sales have been plummeting. They blamed P2P networks and piracy for their problems. So they used DRM technology to circumvent the fair use provisions of copyright laws and tried to tell the consumer where and how they would be allowed to play their music.

The concept of fair use gives the consumer the right, among other things, to copy for personal use, musical works they buy. DRM interferes with those rights.

For example, music downloaded from I-tunes can only be played on an I-pod. RealAudio can be played only on MP3 players; you aren’t permitted to copy the songs to CD to use on your home or car stereo. Sony uses proprietary OpenMG DRM technology. Music downloaded from this store is only playable on computers running Windows and Sony hardware. Few of these technologies are interchangeable.

But consumers are fighting back, and the major record labels and the RIAA are beginning to see the folly of their ways. Amazon.com and the major record companies are now selling DRM free MP3’s online.

But, their insistence that piracy is the biggest contributing factor to declining CD sales shows they are not prepared to address the many real problems inherent in the product they sell. And, according to some reports the enemy is the record companies themselves, who have been slow in responding to changing consumer demand.

For example, I own several hundred LPs and cassette tapes. I can use my computer and a free software program like Audacity to record that music in MP3 format (or OGG, WMA, etc.). I can even digitally enhance my old mono records to simulate stereo. Why would I want to spend my entertainment dollars on high priced CDs, when I already have thousands of songs and musical selections in my record and tape collection?

I haven’t listened to a radio broadcast since the last big blackout in southern Ontario when I dug out an old crystal radio set to keep up with the news and listen to a few tunes. The reason is simple: I got tired of commercial radio with their limited play lists and constant repetition. And, with few exceptions, the music they play does not suit my musical tastes. Nor do I like the idea of radio stations or big record companies telling me what I should be listening to or buying. So, I listen to internet radio.

There are several sites on the web that allow new singers and songwriters to showcase their talent. I get to hear some great songs by some very talented musicians. I’d rather listen to a good song by an unknown artist than some of the garbage cluttering the air waves just because it was recorded by a “star”. And, because I’m not listening to the radio or CMT hype, I don’t buy the CDs.

Another reason for declining sales of CDs is that there is a limited number of entertainment dollars to be spent by the average consumer. For the price of two CDs a month, with the limited entertainment value they provide, I can pay for a broadband internet connection that provides a much bigger bang for my entertainment buck.

Also contributing to declining CD sales is the growth of “indie” labels that distribute their music over the internet, often for free. They’re not likely to get a lot of air play at any rate, because most radio stations cater to the big record companies and the big names they’re pushing. And, unless they’ve got a major hit, they’re not likely to make any money by signing with a major record label. It’s the record companies that rake in the profits from CD sales, not the artists. They make their money on the road.

The simple truth is that the big record labels have not adapted to the changing demands of the consumer. Maybe they should concentrate on providing a better quality product at a price the consumer is willing to pay, instead of whining and crying about piracy and suing everyone in sight.

The word "rights" in DRM is misleading. The proper term is “Digital Restrictions Management.” And, it’s one of the causes of declining music sales, not the solution.

Weird & wacky country songs (3)

In previous posts, I’ve written about some of the weird and wacky song titles in the wonderful world of country music. The titles came from a list compiled by persons unknown, at least to me. At the time I copied the list, I forgot to write down the name of the site. So I humbly apologize for being unable to give the guy proper credit. Here’s some more songs, including some from the list.

One song that didn’t make the list was a big hit for Hank Thompson in the fifties and one of my favourites at the time. It was also a politically incorrect little number that would be unlikely to get any airplay these days. It was called “The Squaws Along The Yukon (Are Good Enough For Me)”.
“She makes her underwear,
From the hides of grizzly bear
She bathes in ice cold water ever day
Her skin I love to touch,
But I can’t touch it much
Because her fur-lined parka’s in the way.”

Hank Thompson also recorded (“The Tears Have Washed I Love You From) The Blackboard Of My Heart”. Although the song title may sound funny to-day, it was a serious ballad about love gone wrong; a real tear jerker that reached number one on the country charts back in the fifties.

Jimmy Buffett, although not technically a country singer despite his hits “Margarittaville” and “Its Five O’clock Somewhere” with Alan Jackson, deserves some recognition for some of the stranger song titles; for example; ”If The Phone Doesn’t Ring (It’s Me Not Calling You)”. He also recorded “My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink And I Don’t Love Jesus” and “Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw.”

Some songs are just plain weird . . . and mean. One such entry was, “Mama Get the Hammer, There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head.” Then, there’s the cover of that same song, a parody called, “Get The Hammer Mama, There’s A Head On Papa’s Fly”.

If you’re a true aficionado of country music, you’ll know that men and women don’t always react the same way to being dumped. Men often get bitter; “If You Want To Keep The Beer Cold (Put it Next To My Ex-wife’s Heart).” or “I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here” Or, how about, “If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life (Then Number Two On You)”. Now, that’s bitter.

Some, though, are quite pleased to see their woman’s backside as she’s walking away, as in Roy Clark’s “Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone“.

Some of the song titles were just plain silly. There was one in the list, from back in the fifties, called “I Was Lookin’ Back To See”. They gave the wrong song title, but I knew what they were referring to because I once had the original 78 rpm record. It went:
“I was lookin’ back to see,
If you were lookin’ back to see
If I was lookin’ back to see,
If you were lookin’ back at me
You were cute as you could be
Standing lookin’ back at me
And it was plain to see
That I’d enjoy your company.

I have no idea why the words are still in my head after half a century, but not even Garth Brooks could get that one to the top of the charts these days.

Then there are the songs that ask questions about the eternal mysteries of life. Songs like ”If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?” Or that other old standard, “Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You (When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life)?” It’s hard to say if this next question came from a guy looking for the answer to the many mysteries of life or just somebody trying out a new pick-up line. It’s called, “I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?”

There were songs about guys overcome with guilt and begging forgiveness, “Thanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You”. There were songs which seem to have been written by braggarts, and which were likely intended as double entendre: “There Ain't Enough Room in My Fruit of the Looms (To Hold All My Lovin' for You).” And there are songs that can’t be meant as anything but double entendre. Either that or I’m turning into a dirty old man. For example, “I Hate Every Bone In Your Body (Except For Mine)”.

But, that’s enough from this scribe for the day; my butt is starting to feel a little like the guy who wrote: “I Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning)”.

On second thought . . . while the songs noted above are real, there was another site with some made up song titles, by made up artists. I thought it might be interesting to make up a list of songs that might be done by someone like Toby Keith. Or the Old Rambler.

Tough as F**k (I Can Lick Any Girl In The House) – Toby Keith
These Boots Were Made for Shit-Kickin’ – Toby Keith
I Ain't Drunk, I’m Just Pukin' (So What’s Your Excuse) – Toby Keith
Watchin’ Too Many Toby Keith Videos – The Old Rambler
These Colors Don't Run: They Goose–Step! – Toby Keith

Second hand goods

There are a lot of good guitar builders out there, making good quality instruments. And, over the years, I’ve owned a few. But, my first guitar was an inexpensive “Simpson’s Sears special”, a Silvertone acoustic flat top. Specially priced for the beginner market back in the fifties, it cost less than $30.00. But, to put that price tag in context, my Dad’s weekly paycheck was just over $58.00 net, which made the guitar pretty special. And, I’ve never been without a guitar in all the years since.

These days I play a Washburn D10SDL, and I also own a Norman B-20-12, a 12 string guitar that’s hand made in Canada. OK, it’s made in Quebec, but whether they know it or not, they’re still part of Canada. Both my current guitars were gifts from family members, just like the first one I got from my Dad over half a century ago.

Recently, while surfing the net, I came across an article on Gallotone guitars. Now, if I were to mention names like Gibson, Gretsch, Martin, Ephinone, etc, everyone who has ever learned how to strum a chord would know what I was talking about. But, I’m wondering how many people out there can tell me what a Gallotone guitar looks like or where they were made? That’s what I thought.

The Gallotone Champion guitar model was a 3/4 size steel string flat-top acoustic made from laminated woods. It was manufactured in South Africa by the Gallo company during the 50's and 60's. It was intended for the beginner market and sold for under $20.00 US.

If I were to tell you that John Lennon once played a Gallowtone Champion, would you know where I’m going with this piece? Sure you would, unless you’re a complete stranger to this web log.

A few years back (eight to be exact), the Gallotone guitar once played by John Lennon sold for 155,500 pounds ($251,700) at a Rock'n'Roll memorabilia sale held by Sotheby's London. There is no indication anywhere that the purchaser is a guitar player. If he were, he would have spent a grand or two on a top of the line instrument that he could play on a daily basis without turning his fingers to hamburger; instead of a worthless piece of junk.

But the man was not a musician; he was a collector of memorabilia. He didn’t buy the guitar to play it, he bought it as a trophy so he could display it and proclaim proudly to anyone who might see it that it was once played by John Lennon. “Yessireebob. Worth every penny of the quarter of a million dollars I spent for it.”

No. I do not envy the man’s wealth and I don’t dispute his right to spend his money in any manner he sees fit. And, I sure as hell don’t envy his intelligence or lack thereof.

It was a cheap beginner’s guitar that plays no better today than it did back in the fifties when Lennon bought it. Its magic was never in the guitar; the magic was in the hands, heart and soul of the man who played it. And, no matter how much the buyer might be willing to spend, he can never buy the magic.

And the same holds true for the guitar once played, but never owned by Sir Paul McCartney, which sold at auction last year for $675,000.00. The guitar was accompanied by a letter from Sir Paul authenticating the fact he had once played that guitar as a boy. The owner, a boyhood friend of McCartney’s sold the guitar to “build a nest egg” for his pending retirement. He has obviously been thinking about his nest egg for a long time if he has managed to keep the instrument in any kind of decent shape over that length of time.

The guitar's buyer, the president of an auction company, is quoted as saying: "This is such an important piece of rock history and I am an extremely happy man tonight. Without this guitar, the Beatles may never have existed and it is a fantastic acquisition." An acquisition? I thought he was buying a guitar.

It may be a piece of rock history, but as such it belongs in a museum, not in the hands of a private collector who wants to bath, albeit second hand, in the brilliance of one of the world’s finest guitar players.

It’s hard to figure out these “collectors”. Is it their colossal ego or just plain stupidity that makes them pay that much money for second hand goods.

Who in the hell is GEMA?

I had intended to fire another shot across the bow of the Music Publishers Association of America. You know, the turkey’s threatening legal action against OLGA, the On Line Guitar Archives. But, in browsing the net, researching stories, I came across an article from Germany that I found both interesting and scary.

A collection rights society is responsible for collecting fees for the performance and mechanical reproduction of musical or other copyrighted works. The MPA, for example, represents the copyright holders who publish sheet music and tab, and see to it that everyone pays for the privilege of publishing copyrighted works in any format, whether for profit or pleasure.

A collection “rights” outfit in Germany is currently negotiating a deal with manufacturers of PC’s whereby they will pay a “levy” to that society, GEMA, on the sale of all new computers sold in that country.

Their justification is that PC’s allow users to make private copies of text, audio and video data distributed over the internet. Since private copying can’t be stopped, they want levies to be paid on new computers in the same way as it is now paid on CD’s, DVD’s, audio cassettes, etc. The money collected, theoretically, will be distributed to the creators of the copyrighted works.

And, before I go much further, I should point out that the collection of a levy is a done deal; the sticking point is how much the levy will be. The organization representing the manufacturers of the PC’s has suggested 15 Euros ($20.00 Cdn) per unit. GEMA is asking for over 36 Euros per unit ($50.00 Cdn).

But, even the most cursory investigation reveals some very serious concerns with this idea. Among the major flaws is a presumption of guilt. GEMA is assuming that every computer purchased will be used to make illegal copies of music, movies and computer applications. This is not the case. And people who download, store or distribute perfectly legal material via the internet should not be required to pay extortion money to anyone for the right to do so.

For example, one of my favourite sites is Project Gutenberg. There you can download free copies of some of the classics of literature; Robert Louis Stevenson, Sir Walter Scott, Victor Hugo, James Fenimore Cooper, Edgar Rice Burroughs, etc, etc. And, there are probably thousands of free computer applications being distributed freely and legally under various licenses across the internet. Should users be required to pay a fee for downloading and copying this legal material?

No one should be fooled by the suggestion that it is the manufacturer who is paying the levy, not the consumer. That’s a no brainer. The additional cost will be passed on to the consumer, whether or not they use their PC for an illegal purpose.

Then there’s the fact that there is already a levy on the blank media, the CD’s, DVD’s, etc. That’s already true in Canada, as well as in Germany. And, in Germany there is an additional levy on the device used to create the media, CD and DVD burners, for example. Adding a levy on top of that is going a little overboard.

And, if the levy itself isn’t going overboard, then the demand by GEMA that the levy should be retroactive to 2002 certainly has to be considered overkill. Estimates are that between 2002 through 2005, there were 13 million computers sold in Germany. The estimated cost of a retroactive levy is 350 million Euros; that’s roughly half a billion dollars Canadian.

Canada’s copyright legislation is being discussed in Parliament as I write this post. Given some of the things happening in the world of copyright restriction, enforcers such as the RIAA, the MMPA, the MPA, and GEMA in Germany, Canadians should be paying a whole lot more attention to what’s happening. There’s a lot more than a few bucks involved.

It’s a matter of personal freedom. Think about it for a minute. Every time you buy a blank CD to record a video of little Bobby’s birthday party, you’re paying a levy to some group you’ve likely never heard of, simply because that blank CD could be used to illegally copy restricted material.

Most people pay little attention to copyright laws, because they don’t think their personal freedoms are jeopardized by copyright restrictions; they’re wrong. And, given the material I’ve collected while researching this topic, I’ll probably be ranting about this bloody madness in future posts.

Weird & wacky county songs (Part 2)

Country music has been around for a long time. Most people give Jimmie Rodgers and the Carter Family credit for the creation of the genre back in 1926 -1927

Both those talents recorded old ballads, often with a new twist, before they got around to writing their own songs. However, neither of these icons can be blamed for the song titles populating the music scene since their demise.

Critics pan country for using the same tired cliches; writing songs about getting drunk, getting laid and going to jail. Admittedly, there are some themes used more or less consistently in country music. Country love songs, for example, seem to follow one of several formulae:

• Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets drunk and cries in his beer
  
• Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy gets drunk and cries in his beer
  
• Boy meets girl, girl loses boy to another girl, girl gets drunk and cries in her beer
  
• Boy meets girl, girl loses boy to another man, girl gets drunk and cries in her beer (Sorry folks, it’s true. Some guy wrote a song called, “I Fell For Her, She Fell For Him, He Fell For Me”
  
• Boy meets girl, boy catches girl cheating and shoots her winding up in jail before he can get drunk and cry in his beer
  

But not all country songs are love songs. For every song about some guy falling for a pretty girl, there’s one about some guy getting saddled with an ugly one. It’s just that songs about ugly women rarely reach the top of the country charts.

How many people have a copy of Ronnie Prophet’s Greatest Hits album, with Ronnie doing, “I Should Have Used A Brown Paper Sack”? Come on people. Give me a break. I can’t be the only one who bought that album. But, as bad as it was, Ronnie didn’t get as vicious as the guy who wrote, “I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight (I’m Afraid She’d Win)” or that other classic put-down, “You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly”.

And, I’ve got very little time for guys who want to cry in their beer even when they get the girl. Mickey Gilley started it off with a song called, “Don’t All The Girls Look Prettier At Closing Time.” Wiilie Nelson piped in a few years later with a song called, “I Went To Bed At 2 With A 10 (And Woke Up This Morning At 10 With A 2)”.

I have absolutely no pity for those guys. Everybody knows drinking and chasing women go hand in hand. But guys, if you got that drunk, you got what you deserved. And if you found the situation so distasteful, maybe you should have gone home alone and hummed a few bars of, “At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump”. Ok, that’s not country, it’s a weird Al Yankovic song, but it fits well. From a personal point of view, when “She Looks Good Thru The Bottom Of My Shot Glass”, it’s time to call it a night.

And, I guess it should be pointed out that it’s not only guys who wake up in the morning disappointed. How about Deana Carter when she begs the question, “Is This Why I Shaved My Legs?” She doesn’t sound a bit like a happy camper to me.

And, I guess I should offer a word of advice to the girl who sang, “All The Guys Who Turn Me On, Turn Me Down”. Try getting to the bar a little later in the evening, preferably near closing time. And remember, all the girls look prettier through the bottom of a shot glass, so buy him a few drinks. He’ll love you for it and that’s what you’re after, after all. Or, you could follow the advice of Georgia White, an old blues artist who used to do a song called, "If I Can't Sell It I'll Keep Sittin' On It (Before I Give It Away). Yes, the song was about peddling ass.

Another staple of the country genre is songs about the womanizer who runs off with your woman sending you to the nearest bar to cry in your beer. Songs like, “He’s Got A Way With Women And He Just Got Away With Mine.” Or that other old country standard, “It Took A Helluva Man To Take My Anne, But It Sure Didn't Take Him Long “ or the one by Jim Eberhart that says, “My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)“

And, country singers always have a word or two to say about nagging wives; songs like, “It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night (That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long)

Wow. Reading all these great song titles has suddenly filled me with inspiration. I think I’ll grab my guitar and write myself a country song. I’ve already got the title. I’ll call it, “I’m Gonna Put A Bar In The Back Of My Car And Drive Myself To Drink.” No, maybe not. I think that one’s already been done.

But I will return to this topic at another time.

Interview with the MPA

A while back I posted some comments about the MPA (Music Publishers Association) and their threat of legal action against OLGA (On Line Guitar Archives) and other sites for “copyright infringement.” Providing lyrics and guitar chords to a song is not theft if the publishers won't distribute that information in a simple, economical form. To my way of thinking, they're carrying this copyright infringment business a little too far.

To hear the MPA tell it, anyone patronizing such sites is clearly and simply a thief, stealing bread from the mouths of babes, presumably, the children of songwriters and composers. But, their arguments have a hollow ring to them. I recently had an opportunity to interview G. “Machine-head” Major of the Association.

Q. Why the big fuss about websites offering free, simplified tab or lyrics to songs?
A. Our members pay substantial sums to the creators and owners of the music we represent for the right and privilege to bring this music to the public in authorized sheet music products. Our members also put tremendous effort and incur significant expense in arranging, engraving, editing, marketing and distributing those products.

Q. What if I don’t want all the fancy arranging, engraving and packaging?
A. Tough tit, you take whatever we give you, pay through the nose and may, optionally, kiss our ass on the way out.

Q. But, the fancy engraving and packaging make your product too expensive for the average Joe.
A. Absolutely. Without the fancy engraving and packaging we couldn’t justify the big bucks we demand for our product. So, you take whatever we give you, pay through the nose and may, optionally, kiss our ass on the way out.

Q. I don’t read standard musical notation, is there anyone publishing simplified versions with just the lyrics and guitar chords?
A. Yes. But, we’re taking legal action to shut the bastards down. If those sites interfere with our right to sell you over-priced products that you don’t want, we’ll brand their sorry ass with a capital “T”, for thief.

Q. Isn’t that a little drastic? After all, these sites are not selling the information; they’re giving it away free and/or providing the public a forum in which to exchange the information.
A. Exactly. And, if they give it away, just who in hell will want to buy our books with the fancy engraving and the pretty pictures, you bloody moron.

Q. What if I want the lyrics and guitar chords to a song that has never been published, as sheet music or tab, and likely never will be?
A. Tough tit, at the risk of repeating myself, you take whatever we give you. We suggest you learn a song that has been published or put your guitar up for sale. We can’t be expected to publish material that only a small percentage of the people want; there’s no profit in it.

Q. How can one publisher offer a book with the melody line, guitar chords and lyrics to over a hundred songs for under ten dollars, while another wants to charge twenty dollars for only eight or ten songs?
A. Supply and demand, you dumb ass. Plus, the more expensive of the two comes with fancy engraving, fancy packaging and has lots of pretty pictures . . . and I won’t even mention the ads for other books. What are you, some kind of commie? We live in a capitalist society. We will not allow anyone or anything to interfere with our right to gouge the public.

Q. Have you ever thought of offering a similar product as those offered by these “illegal” web sites, as you call them, preferably at a reasonable price?
A. Offering similar product would cut into the profits from the books with the fancy engraving and packaging. Sales of music books and instructional material have already begun to decline. You really are some kind of commie. We’re in the business of selling music.

Q. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe your declining sales might be attributable to your failure to provide the consumer with the product they want at a price they are willing to pay?
A. Yes. But why should we go to all the trouble of building our own web site, and offering free content to budding guitar players, when we can simply demand money from those who have already done the work? Now, get the hell out of here, you commie bastard. We live in a capitalist society. We have a right to maximize profit and we will not allow anyone or anything to interfere with our right to gouge the public to the maximum.

Q. One last question: How do you respond to people who say that music is about much more than money?
A. Don’t be so f**king stupid.

Weird & wacky country songs

I’ve always been a big fan of folk and country music. My love affair with country music began in the early fifties when I’d tune in to stations in Nashville, Tennessee (WGR) and Wheeling, West Virginia (WWVA), both stations, at the time, being synonymous with country music.

Dad had an old Marconi short wave radio with a little teardrop shaped turntable that sat on top and plugged into the back. It only played 78 RPM records which were in short supply, even when selling for under thirty cents a copy. Those I did have featured the Carter Family, Jimmie Rodgers, George Riley Puckett, Hank Snow, and starting in 1956, a new country singer named Johnny Cash.

A while back I found a web site devoted to the worst song titles in the history of country music. Many of the songs in the list were songs I listened to on that old Marconi short wave. One song I remembered was “Slap Her Down Again, Pa”, as politically incorrect a song as you’re likely to find. The lyrics went something like:
“Slap her down again, Pa.
Slap her down again.
We don’t want the neighbours
Talkin’ ‘bout our kin.”

Now, in truth, I can’t remember what the girl was doing to get the neighbours talking about her, but it must have been something real bad for her father to slap her down even once, let alone have her siblings demand that she receive another smack. These days, that type of behaviour would have dad going straight to jail. No passing go; no collecting $200.00.

But, it seems likely her dad must have felt a strong need for a little attitude adjustment. Otherwise, his daughter might have become the girl who grew up to record, “I Spent My Last Ten Dollars On Birth Control And Beer”.

Gospel songs weren’t immune to the habit of giving songs peculiar titles or lyrics. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, I give you, “Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?” by Country Dick Montana which contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus,
As hung over you do rise....
How does paradise look Jesus,
Through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus…
Or can we hoof it home from here...
I know you can walk on water
But can you walk on this much beer?"

Canadians played their part, even if they didn’t make the list. Consider Roy Payne’s “Jesus Wouldn’t Like It Down On Yonge Street”. This Newfoundlander speculates that Jesus wouldn’t like it down on Yonge Street (Toronto) amongst “the pimps and the teenage whores”. Maybe he should have paid more attention in Sunday school. Jesus might just have been right in his element.

A few years ago the Dixie Chicks, who are no strangers to controversy, had a hit with a song called “Good-bye Earl”. It told the story of some girls who thumped and dumped a girl friends abusive husband in an unmarked grave. That “tongue-in-cheek” little number caused quite a furor, with some radio stations refusing to give it any air time.

And, over the years, there have been many country songs dealing with wacky themes.

For instance, how about those country classics, “Now Claude’s Gone Forever (He Went To Sleep Drunk And The Hogs Ate Him)”, or “If I’d killed Her When I Wanted To, I’d Have Been Out of Jail By Now”. Then there’s the one that best explains why Earl got himself poisoned by the Dixie Chicks in the first place. It was called, “She Broke My Heart, So I Broke Her Jaw”. Natalie and the Chicks were right. Earl had to die.

And this one had me thinking about it for several minutes before breaking out in a grin: “I Still Miss You Baby . . . But My Aim is Getting Better” .

Not all the songs in the worst country song titles list came from the fifties and sixties. A Canadian cowgirl named Iris Larrat recorded a song on the Acclaim label in 1989 called, “I’ve Got A Cowboy In The Saddle (And Another One Holding My Horse)”. A little risqué but it got a chuckle out of me. And, not too long ago, I was listening to an older recording by Lucille Starr, called “The Boys In The Bunkhouse Don’t Think I’m Too Bad.”

Another one had me laughing out loud. It was called, “Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth (I’m Kissing You Good-bye)”. And, whether it was the bizarre title or my bizarre sense of humour, I also got a kick out of, “Hand Me The Pool Cue, Partner, Then Call Yourself An Ambulance”.

Given that there were over 200 songs in the list, and I think they missed at least that many, I think I’ll revisit this topic another time, so I’ll mark this as Part 1.

Songs from The Old Rambler

I've been trying to add an MP3 file player to the site, but I was having a little trouble making the whole thing work. I decided to use Streampad Mini as the player, and I think I got all the right accounts set up, but no songs were showing up in the Player. So I'm going to drop the idea for the time being.

The idea was to let readers listen to a few songs while reading the blog, including a few of my own. For the time being, I'll add a link to my Google Pages where you can listen to a few of the songs I've recorded; if you really want to listen to The Old Rambler groaning out some old fashioned folk/country stuff.

You can even download the songs if you like. Downloads are free for family and friends. And, if you're looking at this page, you're either one or the other, whether I know you or not.

I'll re-visit the idea of a media player when (if) I get the bugs out.

PS: Scrapped Streampad. Installed a player I got from MyFlashFetish.com. Still a few bugs to work out, but it's looks like this is the player I'll be using. You'll still have to click on the link in the sidebar if you want to download the files.

The chicks aren't ready to make nice

It’s March, 2003 and US President George W. Bush is about to unleash the military might of the United States against the people of Iraq.

The Dixie Chicks have a number one hit album, called “Home”, on the country charts in the US. The group, comprised of sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire and lead singer Natalie Maines, are performing at a concert at Shepherds Bush Theatre in London, England. It’s as talented a group of singers and musicians as you’re ever likely to find and one of my favourites.

During the concert, clearly frustrated and angry at her president’s intentions to wage war on Iraq, Natalie utters a single sentence, “Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas.”

She would have created less controversy if she’d gone after the man with a gun.

Country stations across the United States pulled the Chicks from play lists. Station managers said their decisions were prompted by calls from irate listeners who thought criticism of the president was unpatriotic. One station in Kansas City, Missouri held a Dixie "chicken toss party” where their critics were encouraged to dump the group's tapes, CDs and concert tickets into trash cans.

The Chicks were showered with hate mail and even death threats. Many members of the country music establishment turned their backs on the Chicks. Toby Keith, an outspoken critic of the group, displayed a backdrop at his concerts showing a doctored photo of Natalie Maines with Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

One notable exception to the criticism from the realm of country music was veteran Merle Haggard, who compared the attack on the Chicks to a witch-hunt and lynching, saying; “I don't even know the Dixie chicks, but I find it an insult to all the men and women who fought and died in past wars when almost the majority of America jumped down their throats for voicing an opinion. It was like a verbal witch-hunt and lynching.”

How did the Chicks respond? They stood their ground; with dignity and grace, and refused to back down. Then they wrote a song. On March 16, 2006, the Dixie Chicks released the single "Not Ready to Make Nice", an outtake from their album, Taking the Long Way. Written by the Chicks, it directly addressed the political controversy that had surrounded the group for the previous three years, and which continues to this day. One verse from the song goes:

It’s a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better
Shut up and sing or my life will be over

An ad for Shut up and Sing, a documentary about the controversy surrounding Natalie’s comment, was turned down by NBC, citing a policy barring ads dealing with "public controversy". NBC was not alone. This prompted the film's producer, Harvey Weinstein, to comment, "It's a sad commentary about the level of fear in our society that a movie about a group of courageous entertainers who were blacklisted for exercising their right of free speech is now itself being blacklisted by corporate America."

The documentary’s title was taken from "Not Ready To Make Nice", which in turn took the phrase from a threatening letter received by the band.

Despite minimal airplay, the album (Taking the Long Way) debuted at number one on both the U.S. pop albums chart and the U.S. country albums chart, selling over a half million copies in the first week. At the 49th Grammy Awards Show in 2007, they won all five categories for which they were nominated, including the coveted Song of the Year, Record of the Year, and Album of the Year.

The 41st annual Country Music Association Awards will be held on November 7, 2007. Despite their success at the Grammy’s, the Dixie Chicks have been nominated in only one category, Best Vocal Group of the Year. Odds being given by Las Vegas bookmakers suggest the Chicks have little chance of winning.

So much for freedom of speech in the good old boys America. Kinda makes you feel ashamed to be a country music fan.

Don't squeeze my OLGA

Many years ago, after listening to Johnny Cash and the Tennessee Two on CJCB radio, I decided I’d like to sing and play the guitar. I talked my Dad into forking out 29 dollars for a Simpson-Sears special. It was a lot of money back then; nearly half a weeks pay.

The guitar came with five free song folios from guys like Grady Owens and Hal “Lone” Pine. If you’re not familiar with the names, don’t worry about it, I didn’t know who in-the-hell they were a half century ago. The only name I did recognize was a guy called Gene Autry. I even knew some of the songs in his book from the radio:
“Tweedle’O’twill, puffin’ on corn silk, Tweedle’O’twill, whittlin’ wood, Sittin’ there wishin’, he could go fishin’, over the hill, Tweedle’O’twill.

Don’t laugh. Songs like that made Mr. Autry a lot of money. He even gave up singing and strumming and bought himself a major league baseball team.

Unfortunately, I didn’t read music at that time and the books were pretty much useless to me, except to learn the lyrics. But, as I said, they came free with the guitar; I’d never have bought them.

Back in those day, the usual way to pick up the lyrics and guitar chords to a song was to spend the 25 to 30 cents on a copy of the record (78 RPM), along with a package of “needles” and play the song over and over again, while neatly printing the words and chords in a “scribbler” for future reference.

The easier way to learn a song, of course, was to get together with a bunch of guitar players, usually in someone’s kitchen, and trade songs. You also traded tips and techniques to make your playing just a little bit better. “Listen to the song the next time you hear it on the radio. He’s using a nice little bass run to make that chord change. Try doing this.” Everything was duly noted in your scribbler so that tips could be passed on to the next guy.

Forty years or so later, I was surprised to learn that the same basic strategies for learning guitar were available through the internet. The On Line Guitar Archives (OLGA) provided the same information we used to trade around the kitchen table. And, it was available free of charge, the same way it was back then.

You could post a request for the words or guitar chords to a long forgotten song and someone out there in cyberspace would post the information back for you. Except for the fact you never got a chance to meet the guy (or girl), might never share a laugh, or a bottle of Kik Cola, it was basically the same method of freely exchanging information as we used many years ago. OLGA became a regular stop on my travels through the wide, wonderful world of the web.

Last week, I was looking for the words to an old country song I first heard back in the fifties. I thought I’d try OLGA. But, all that came up was a brief apology for being unavailable and a copy of letters from lawyers for the Music Publishers Association of the United States (MPA), advising OLGA that they were infringing the copyright of some of its members. Close the site, the lawyers advised, or face the legal consequences.

A statement from the MPA reads:
“We are doing this to protect the interests of the creators and publishers of music so that, the profession of songwriting remains viable and that new and exciting music will be continue to be created and enjoyed for generations to come.”

Two points for the MPA (and the public) to consider. One, “new and exciting music” was being produced long before the MPA existed, and it will continue to be produced long after the MPA ceases to exist. Musicians trading songs and/or guitar licks have never interfered with that process. In fact, they’ve enhanced it. And, two, when you get lawyers involved, it’s seldom about principle; it’s about the money.

And, yes I will have more to say on this subject.