Weird & wacky country songs

I’ve always been a big fan of folk and country music. My love affair with country music began in the early fifties when I’d tune in to stations in Nashville, Tennessee (WGR) and Wheeling, West Virginia (WWVA), both stations, at the time, being synonymous with country music.

Dad had an old Marconi short wave radio with a little teardrop shaped turntable that sat on top and plugged into the back. It only played 78 RPM records which were in short supply, even when selling for under thirty cents a copy. Those I did have featured the Carter Family, Jimmie Rodgers, George Riley Puckett, Hank Snow, and starting in 1956, a new country singer named Johnny Cash.

A while back I found a web site devoted to the worst song titles in the history of country music. Many of the songs in the list were songs I listened to on that old Marconi short wave. One song I remembered was “Slap Her Down Again, Pa”, as politically incorrect a song as you’re likely to find. The lyrics went something like:
“Slap her down again, Pa.
Slap her down again.
We don’t want the neighbours
Talkin’ ‘bout our kin.”

Now, in truth, I can’t remember what the girl was doing to get the neighbours talking about her, but it must have been something real bad for her father to slap her down even once, let alone have her siblings demand that she receive another smack. These days, that type of behaviour would have dad going straight to jail. No passing go; no collecting $200.00.

But, it seems likely her dad must have felt a strong need for a little attitude adjustment. Otherwise, his daughter might have become the girl who grew up to record, “I Spent My Last Ten Dollars On Birth Control And Beer”.

Gospel songs weren’t immune to the habit of giving songs peculiar titles or lyrics. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, I give you, “Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?” by Country Dick Montana which contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus,
As hung over you do rise....
How does paradise look Jesus,
Through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus…
Or can we hoof it home from here...
I know you can walk on water
But can you walk on this much beer?"

Canadians played their part, even if they didn’t make the list. Consider Roy Payne’s “Jesus Wouldn’t Like It Down On Yonge Street”. This Newfoundlander speculates that Jesus wouldn’t like it down on Yonge Street (Toronto) amongst “the pimps and the teenage whores”. Maybe he should have paid more attention in Sunday school. Jesus might just have been right in his element.

A few years ago the Dixie Chicks, who are no strangers to controversy, had a hit with a song called “Good-bye Earl”. It told the story of some girls who thumped and dumped a girl friends abusive husband in an unmarked grave. That “tongue-in-cheek” little number caused quite a furor, with some radio stations refusing to give it any air time.

And, over the years, there have been many country songs dealing with wacky themes.

For instance, how about those country classics, “Now Claude’s Gone Forever (He Went To Sleep Drunk And The Hogs Ate Him)”, or “If I’d killed Her When I Wanted To, I’d Have Been Out of Jail By Now”. Then there’s the one that best explains why Earl got himself poisoned by the Dixie Chicks in the first place. It was called, “She Broke My Heart, So I Broke Her Jaw”. Natalie and the Chicks were right. Earl had to die.

And this one had me thinking about it for several minutes before breaking out in a grin: “I Still Miss You Baby . . . But My Aim is Getting Better” .

Not all the songs in the worst country song titles list came from the fifties and sixties. A Canadian cowgirl named Iris Larrat recorded a song on the Acclaim label in 1989 called, “I’ve Got A Cowboy In The Saddle (And Another One Holding My Horse)”. A little risqué but it got a chuckle out of me. And, not too long ago, I was listening to an older recording by Lucille Starr, called “The Boys In The Bunkhouse Don’t Think I’m Too Bad.”

Another one had me laughing out loud. It was called, “Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth (I’m Kissing You Good-bye)”. And, whether it was the bizarre title or my bizarre sense of humour, I also got a kick out of, “Hand Me The Pool Cue, Partner, Then Call Yourself An Ambulance”.

Given that there were over 200 songs in the list, and I think they missed at least that many, I think I’ll revisit this topic another time, so I’ll mark this as Part 1.