"Actually, I find it a rather backward little entry, lacking balance and texture; a little too austere for my taste."Huh. Run that by me again. Oh, you’re talking about the wine.
I’ve always found the rituals associated with wine tasting to be a little pretentious. It all looks so complex, like the wine itself.
Now, let’s see, what do I remember from Wine Tasting 101? Wines described as backward are undeveloped and not ready to drink; they have to be aged. They’re often young and tannic, and may also be described as austere. The texture of a wine describes how the wine feels in the mouth; is it silky, velvety, rounded, or smooth? Wines said to have balance have a harmonious combination of tannin, acidity, texture and flavour. Balance is a vital attribute of a good wine. Uh-huh.
Admittedly, I know absolutely nothing about wine tasting. I am sometimes a wine drinker, but wine tasting is definitely beyond my capacity. To me there are only two kinds of wine; stuff that’s drinkable and stuff that isn’t.
Nor do I have any desire to learn about wine tasting. Did you know that tasters spit, er . . ., excuse me, expectorate the wine after swirling it around in the mouth and allowing it to brush the palette. I wouldn’t even consider doing that with a cheap bottle of 999 (a port wine most commonly associated with bootleggers in my younger days in Cape Breton). It was an indelicate little wine, both dense and complex. OK, the wine wasn’t all that complex and I was just dense.
I know what you’re thinking. Just why in the hell is he talking about wine?
Because, dear reader, as I was surfing the web, looking for nothing in particular and going nowhere at all, I came across an article on the world’s most expensive wines. And, I have a thing about people who pay outrageous prices for commodities of dubious value, be it Barry Bonds’ baseballs, OJ’s lucky suit or John Kennedy’s rocking chair. The one thing most of these people have in common, besides too much money, is a definite and definitive lack of common sense.
In 1985, Christie’s auction house sold one bottle of wine for $160,000. It was a bottle of Bordeaux, a 1787 Chateau Lafite, and, according to The Guinness Book of World Records it is still the world's most expensive bottle of wine. Its great age alone would have ensured a good price but what really made it special, particularly to American collectors, and ensured the record price tag were the initials Th.J. etched in the glass. Th.J. was, of course, Thomas Jefferson, one time president (and founding father) of the United States.
In addition to his duties as a statesman, Jefferson was also an avid oenophile. That’s right a oenophile, pronounced zee-new-file. Isn’t that a great word? An oenophile is a lover of wine. Oenophiles are also known as wine aficionados or connoisseurs. They are people who appreciate or collect wine. Uh-huh.
While most people will marvel at the price tag of 160 thousand dollars, I find myself marveling at the lack of grey matter which could be attributed to the purchaser. Is he perhaps unaware that he could get just as pissed on a five dollar bottle of Zing? Would he really pay that kind of money to roll the stuff around in his mouth and spit it out?
Actually, neither question is of any import, because the wine in no longer drinkable. The outside limit for a Bordeaux to remain fit for drinking is 50 years. So what the buyer really paid all that money for was to let the bottle, with its fancy label, sit on a shelf and gather dust. He got diddly-squat for his money, except bragging rights to a very expensive bottle of vinegar.
Unless, of course, another dummy should come along and offer to buy it.
Now, let’s see, what do I remember from Wine Tasting 101? Wines described as backward are undeveloped and not ready to drink; they have to be aged. They’re often young and tannic, and may also be described as austere. The texture of a wine describes how the wine feels in the mouth; is it silky, velvety, rounded, or smooth? Wines said to have balance have a harmonious combination of tannin, acidity, texture and flavour. Balance is a vital attribute of a good wine. Uh-huh.
Admittedly, I know absolutely nothing about wine tasting. I am sometimes a wine drinker, but wine tasting is definitely beyond my capacity. To me there are only two kinds of wine; stuff that’s drinkable and stuff that isn’t.
Nor do I have any desire to learn about wine tasting. Did you know that tasters spit, er . . ., excuse me, expectorate the wine after swirling it around in the mouth and allowing it to brush the palette. I wouldn’t even consider doing that with a cheap bottle of 999 (a port wine most commonly associated with bootleggers in my younger days in Cape Breton). It was an indelicate little wine, both dense and complex. OK, the wine wasn’t all that complex and I was just dense.
I know what you’re thinking. Just why in the hell is he talking about wine?
Because, dear reader, as I was surfing the web, looking for nothing in particular and going nowhere at all, I came across an article on the world’s most expensive wines. And, I have a thing about people who pay outrageous prices for commodities of dubious value, be it Barry Bonds’ baseballs, OJ’s lucky suit or John Kennedy’s rocking chair. The one thing most of these people have in common, besides too much money, is a definite and definitive lack of common sense.
In 1985, Christie’s auction house sold one bottle of wine for $160,000. It was a bottle of Bordeaux, a 1787 Chateau Lafite, and, according to The Guinness Book of World Records it is still the world's most expensive bottle of wine. Its great age alone would have ensured a good price but what really made it special, particularly to American collectors, and ensured the record price tag were the initials Th.J. etched in the glass. Th.J. was, of course, Thomas Jefferson, one time president (and founding father) of the United States.
In addition to his duties as a statesman, Jefferson was also an avid oenophile. That’s right a oenophile, pronounced zee-new-file. Isn’t that a great word? An oenophile is a lover of wine. Oenophiles are also known as wine aficionados or connoisseurs. They are people who appreciate or collect wine. Uh-huh.
While most people will marvel at the price tag of 160 thousand dollars, I find myself marveling at the lack of grey matter which could be attributed to the purchaser. Is he perhaps unaware that he could get just as pissed on a five dollar bottle of Zing? Would he really pay that kind of money to roll the stuff around in his mouth and spit it out?
Actually, neither question is of any import, because the wine in no longer drinkable. The outside limit for a Bordeaux to remain fit for drinking is 50 years. So what the buyer really paid all that money for was to let the bottle, with its fancy label, sit on a shelf and gather dust. He got diddly-squat for his money, except bragging rights to a very expensive bottle of vinegar.
Unless, of course, another dummy should come along and offer to buy it.
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