I won! I won! Oh, shit.

A couple of weeks back I was looking for a site to host the MP3 files I planned to make available for readers to listen to and/or download. I found a great file storage site, called FileDen and also a free MP3 player widget from MyFlashFetish. All free.

However, to get to the free stuff, you had to wade through several pages of ads for any number of “fantastic offers”. I read most of them briefly, then clicked on the “No Thanks” button. Except for one; an amateur poetry contest offering a $10,000.00 first prize. Their material claims they are the world’s largest poet’s society and they have had poems submitted by such notables as Bill Clinton and Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash? My hero! So I wrote a poem and sent it right off to them. Just for fun. It was not a good poem.

It's two weeks later and a few days ago I received an e-mail telling me I was awarded an “Editor’s Choice” award for my submission. Wow. Kinda makes your chest puff out and your head swell. Here’s what they had to say:

Dear Matt,
“Not long ago, our Editors reviewed the thousands of submissions entered in our International Open Amateur Poetry Contest, and they awarded your poem the prestigious Editor's Choice Award. This is an honor awarded to only 12% of the submissions we receive. Now that the first round of the judging process is complete, your poem will enter the next level of judging, becoming eligible for the $10,000 Annual Grand Prize that will be awarded in January 2008. We wish you the best of luck with this next phase of the contest.”

That’s enough praise to send a vain old man riding off on cloud nine . . . until he remembers that riding clouds can be a very dangerous (and expensive) business. Read on:

“Since we announced the names of the winners, many recipients have contacted me and requested a way to display their achievement; therefore, I put our artists and designers to work. We were able to create our most exquisite and distinguished wall plaque ever. This year, we are offering this limited edition wall plaque commemorating your achievement as an Editor's Choice Award recipient. Each certificate is numbered, signed, and mounted on a solid maple plaque. This beautiful display piece truly honors your accomplishment!”

“As an Editor's Choice Award winner, we're sure you'll want to improve your craft and further your involvement in poetry. There's no better way to do that than by joining the International Society of Poets (ISP), the largest poetry organization in the world. As a member of the ISP, you'll receive a quarterly magazine filled with articles, contests, and lots of poetry. In addition, you will be part of an organization that promotes PEACE—Poetry, Education, Accomplishment, Charity, and Equality. Please join the thousands of members who have submitted poetry, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, former U.S. President Bill Clinton, and the late "Man in Black, Johnny Cash.”

And just how much will it cost me to walk in the shoes of the Man in Black. Uh-huh. I can have both the plaque and membership in the ISP for a mere $75.00 (plus $14.00 for shipping and handling). But, before I hand over the cash, maybe I should take a closer look at the International Society of Poets.

Their website, poetry.com, is actually a very large site with a very large (they claim 6 million entries) database of poets and poetry. Now, let’s see, Johnny Cash. Yes, there he is and he has several poems under his name. Would you like to read one? First, I’d better take care of the legal stuff. Don’t want to get my ass sued for copyright infringement. This poem is reprinted here under the “fair use” provisions of Canada’s copyright legislation, which allows copyright material to be reprinted for educational purposes and critical review.

Tourmented
By Johnny Cash

this was inpired by somebody
that i hope one day would become my wife.
She tought me that the secrets of life
were defined by the jagged edge of a
knife cutting my arm in the middle
of a slaughty night.
as the blood spills it's a thick blue water
that leave quite a soul that was fright.
It's freedom night flying high just like
some dirty old dust going out of sight.
we all love to make a killing upgrading
our own earning because life is all
about learning where nobody could do
for us the teaching i guess it's
the carrying that make us waiting
for the wisdom of an higher calling.

Are they kidding me? OK, so Cash went through some very rough times back in the sixties, with the booze and the drugs. But, was there really a time in his life when he got that strung out. I didn’t even bother to look for Bill Clinton's submissions.

To be continued . . .